Is It Good to Hesitate?

In the warmer months, we gather in a circle outside to do the evening chanting. As the cedar burner, I make a small fire for burning cedar in a homemade tool we call the Cedar Cannon using coal, waxed cardboard, and small twigs.

During chanting one evening, I noticed that I had dropped a twig for making fire, at around the same time as our teacher, Soryu Forall, picked it up. I decided to keep chanting, and talk to him afterwards.

After chanting ended, as he was leaving the circle, he motioned for me to follow him. I promptly did. After I caught up, he didn't slow down but continued walking in the direction of his cabin in a steady, rhythmic gait, with a soft smile on his face and what looked like a twinkle in his eye.

“Why didn’t you take the stick when I picked it up?” he asked quietly, holding the twig up in his hand.

“Because I didn’t want to be disruptive.”

“Is it really good to hesitate? Your mind seems to think it’s a good thing.”

“Yeah?”

“But is it really helpful?”

I felt caught, then replied in awe, “I’m hesitating to answer that.”

“Hmm, is that helpful?”

“No…”

By this point, we had walked off the lawn onto a gravelly road. He asked, “Do the stones hesitate to hold up your feet?”

“No…”

He looked overhead, and asked, “Do the clouds hesitate to drift across the sky?”

“No, but…”

We had crossed the road onto the grass path that led toward his cabin, quite far away then from the chanting spot where all the cedar burner supplies were still there for me to collect. Finally, I exclaimed, "Okay!" and grabbed the twig out of his hand.

“Very good,” he said, still smiling and walking on.