Before awakening periods at the Monastic Academy for the Preservation of Life on Earth, we have a meeting where everyone sitting the retreat circles up to receive final logistics prior to dropping all communications for a week. At the end, we each read aloud an agreement to abide by an ethical code of conduct and commit to fully striving to awaken for the benefit of all beings.
As soon as the last word of the agreement is said, a week of noble silence begins and we are to transition into the Zendo to await the opening talk from Forall.
During this transition time, I went to the bathroom, got a drink of water, went to put tiger balm on my aching body, and more. I didn’t realize that I was the only person left in the main hall who hadn’t gone to the Zendo (other than the head monk who was waiting for Forall).
As I stumbled through my cubby lallygagging around, Forall stormed in through the door like a dragon. He walked toward my direction and sent a thundering yell that shook my whole being. “Are you sitting this retreat!?!”
Frozen, I said, “Yes, I was just …” “NO!”, he exclaimed, not allowing me to finish my explanation.
Energy filled my entire body as I was shaken out of my complacency. I felt a deep insecurity, fear, and gratitude as I made my way to the Zendo. This was a much more appropriate state of mind for throwing myself into the retreat.