Smrti

In the twelfth year of MAPLE’s training program, I was chosen to hold the role of teacher while Forall was away. I sat in the interview zendo with him to observe how he conducts those teachings, and to learn where each person is in their practice.

At the end of our Meditation Advances (what others call a retreat) we have the chance to share our realizations. This is the pinnacle of the Advance. It is a sacred ceremony, in which Forall requests us to offer our greatest insight and greatest joy for the benefit of all present. Having received the benefit of Forall’s best effort each day (and through his life), it becomes our turn to offer the fruit of our own best effort—to him and the whole group.

He begins these ceremonies with a poem.

His poem that day had been:

Heroes gather,
Unknown to the world,
Offering their lives to all beings
Without reason or reward.
Their courageous integrity
Sunders the root of delusion!

The group then offered our own insights. There were about 25 of us, and it took about an hour.

Evening interviews were immediately afterwards. I noticed that in most of the interviews, he referred to our expressions. I also noticed that he made precise references. I gradually realized that he remembered every word that each of us had said over the course of the entire hour. I didn’t even remember every word I myself had said in my own expression, a minute or so of what mattered to me most in the world.

Then, as I listened to him converse with each of us, I realized that he considered every gesture, every footstep, every tone of voice, every pause, every facial expression, the way we got up from our seats and sat back down, to be part of the expressions, and that he recalled all of that for each of us. I had previously noticed he recalled everything about me, but hadn’t considered the implications. How could he know more about each of us than we ourselves know? How could he know more about all of us than all of us put together? How can he listen so completely?

In a place like this, the presence or absence of such knowledge is completely measurable. I was watching the measurement, in his accurate and precise recollection. He had heard us more than we had heard ourselves.

I thought, as I’d thought many times before, “He must really love us.” I was inspired to teach in the same way.