You must hold the space

Part of the Monastic Academy is a village. This spring, our first baby was born to two married members of the community, Maitri and Ananda. We decided to hold a welcoming ceremony for this child to formally introduce her when she was 30 days old. I, Bhadda, was to hold the space. I planned it out, speaking with her parents and the group.

Gathering in a circle of about 25 in the main hall of the main building, the group would be chanting a mantra as parents and child entered. They would tell the story of her birth, our teacher Soryu would bestow her name, and we’d each have a chance to greet her and give a blessing individually. I was to ensure that each part of the ceremony was timed appropriately so we were on time for our daily 7pm-9pm evening schedule of silent meditation practice and chanting.

I failed to do this. As the parents recounted her birth story at length, I did not speak up or make any gesture to guide the storytelling to conclude in a timely way. I still stayed silent even as I realized they were not going to even get to explaining the moment of birth if they continued with the level of detail they began with, having been present at her birth myself. Due to this, Soryu did not have the time he had intended to devote to each of the 3 parts of her name, Tara Grace Becker, in his welcoming speech. The inaction on my part on this day resulted in the whole community missing out on this opportunity to hear his teaching, and her life continuing on without this full blessing on this momentous occasion.

In the coming days, we were to hold a large multi-day event with many outside guests, and again I would be responsible for shepherding the participants and guiding the time. In a meeting before the event, Soryu made a strong and deliberate example of my inaction in the welcoming ceremony, using it to demonstrate fiercely that I must hold the space. That I need to be the one to hold it, that I must take charge, and that it cannot be like that evening where Tara had to sacrifice because I didn’t step in.

I did hold that space, and the event went smoothly.