I had just walked back to the Zendo after finishing my interview with Soryu when the Head Monk pointed outside.
It took me a few seconds to see how I had not closed the door properly and it was ajar, I was mortified and ran back in a hurry, rushing to rectify my mistake.
As I ran over, I could feel my recorder had fallen into the snow but I did not stop to pick it up because I believed I could just retrace my steps and find it after I closed the door.
I was naive about snow because I had grown up in Kerala, India where we never had snow. Coming back, I could not find the recorder no matter how long I searched.
Soryu came to give me some tips, “It is difficult” he said, “Very difficult, it is mysterious how hard it is”.
“I lost something in the snow recently, and I knew exactly the place where I dropped it and searched intently but did not find it. I will return in spring and fetch the item after the snow has melted.”
But I was unconvinced. “I know for a fact it is somewhere here. This cannot be that hard, I can find it,” I told him.
He told the Head Monk that I would be late for breakfast and told me to wear proper clothes and search slowly and carefully. Using a shovel would just push it deeper in he advised.
He said something along the lines of - It is like searching for your mind, fresh conditioning keeps falling making it hard to find.
It was like a bulb went off in my head, suddenly this was personal. I had to find the recorder. I could see the parallels to me scanning my body looking for my mind. It had to be there. Every day I accumulated karma, experiences that I did not fully feel, which was like fresh snow further shrouding my mind.
Later having missed breakfast and needing more layers to continue my search I met Soryu near the entrance where they keep more gloves.
I told him how a statement he often says now made sense to me. That when it is urgent, you cannot afford to delay, neither can you afford to rush.